If you want to cement the flirting process then you need to build rapport with the other person, this involves questioning the other person on their preferences and also opening up through personal disclosure.
Developing the art of open questions
To boost your personal and professional relationships then you need to develop the skill of finding out about the other person, this is the art of building rapport. If you are currently asking questions, or a series of questions that only lead to either a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ (closed questions) then you leave no opportunity for personal disclosure, which is vital to see what things you both share in common. People like people they share things in common with.
To get on the fast track of building rapport you need to start to ask open questions. Try replacing those closed questions like ‘Isn’t it wet today’ to open questions that require a longer response ‘What do you think of the weather today?’.
Open questions start with who, what, where, when, why and how. Keep those key words in mind when you are forming any questions in your mind. You could also ask a friend or colleague to count how many open and closed questions you ask in normal conversation. This will give you some great feedback and you can then aim to improve the amount of times you ask a closed question during a conversation.
Picking a topic they want to chat on
It is far easier to build rapport when you allow the other person to talk about a subject that interests them. Be careful not to dominate the conversion with your own favourite topics, instead listen carefully and probe for their interests. Using the following tips so you can ensure you have a number of tricks up your sleeve.
You need to tailor the conversation to suit the needs of the other person. No matter how much you want to share the latest goings on with your favourite soap or how your football team are progressing, it doesn’t mean the other person will find them so gripping.
Research has proven then in any single day a woman will speak more words than a man, which explains why women are so much more adept at small talk. Women are more interested in emotions whereas men are focussed more on facts. Use the topic suggestions below as areas you can research to ensure you can keep the conversation flowing;
- Their line of work
- News, headlines (from current affairs to reality TV)
- Planned or previous holiday destinations
- Musical Tastes
- Topics, Interests and events from their social media page (such as Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn etc)
- Interests and hobbies
Preventing conversations losing steam
It takes practice to stop a conversation losing steam, but once you learn how, you’ll never be short of conversation again. This skill will serve you not just with your flirting endeavours but also at work or in interviews. You will become a more interesting person to talk to.
Look for opportunities to tell people things about yourself based on the information they have just shared you; it speeds up the rapport process and allows the other person to identify areas that you share in common. People who are good at personal disclosure leaves you feeling like you ‘ have known them for years’.
Try answering questions with plenty of meaningful information (without dominating the conversation) and with a question tagged onto the end of your response keeps the rapport building and conversation ping ponging back and forth nicely.